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| i love this freaking song. it describes/explains my relationship so perfectly. it's just genius. i think it's funny when i made josh listen to it. he listened for a few seconds and went, "hey that's you!". and then i cried. ohmygod i cry everytime i listen to this song and i tear up everytime i think about how perfectly it explains our relationship. i get really emotional cuz i just feel so lucky thinking about how dysfunctional our relationship is, yet it works. yenno? so contradictory, but oh how i love being submerged in the contradiction. ohmygosh what a beautiful mess this is. i'm the luckiest girl in the world to have found the boy who will accept me for who i am. who loves me unconditionally. who doesn't judge, doesn't criticize, and just loves me. through all my imperfections, my insecurities, my craziness and my difficult self.
i love you booboo. thanks for being you. you are amazing.
"well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
kind of turn themselves into blades
and kind and courteous is a life i've heard
but it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
cause here we are...we're still here
what a beautiful mess this is
it's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes"
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| first of all, what the fuck kevin riley. i blame this on you. second, it is not in my nature to hate on a band, but usc band needs to shut the fuck up. you only play three fucking songs and you don't shut the fuck up. the worst part about the entire game is that i had to listen to you play the same shit after every fucking play. so fucking rude and disrespectful. third, unlike usc, we didn't get accepted into college because of our daddy's money. we worked hard to get into cal and therefore we are not stupid. we know you're sc so stop fucking telling us you're sc. although, the santa cruz kids might not appreciate that. last, i think, someone please explain to me why you insist on holding up a peace sign, but chanting fight on. what the fuck. that doesn't make any fucking sense. end rant.
disappointed, but no regrets. i'm glad i went to the game. we had great seats. and i still love my golden bears. i am not ashamed to rep cal. we're still better than stanfurd. go bears!
btw, i am so proud of my student section. i didn't get to sit with them at this game, so i was able to listen to them and damn were they loud. they stayed loud and strong the entire time, til the very end. i know i chose the right school <3
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| i hate thinking about the future. it scares me.
dear time,
please slow down. it would be greatly appreciated.
thanks, jessica.
if only it worked that way.
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| so i guess it was a bad idea to decide to use this thing again when i was about to start school. whoops. but i was thinking about something while i was walking back from my geography class. people that know me know that i can't stand smokers. like seriously can't. so i was in a bit of a dilemma when i was walking because i was walking a few feet behind two people who were smoking. the wind just happened to be blowing backwards so the cloud of smoke they were creating was being blown in my direction. i didn't know what to do because i was too far away from them to try to pass them up, so i decided to slow down hoping the smoke would dissipate before it reached me. it worked for a bit, until i noticed that they were also slowing down their pace. whatthefuck right? thankfully, i was able to move to the side as they drifted towards the other. after my ordeal, (yes it was an ordeal. i was dying.) i was thinking that it is unfair to say that i can't stand smokers, which insinuates that i can't stand the people who are doing the smoking. i guess i can't say that because i don't necessarily dislike the people who smoke. (in fact, my parents were both smokers - they've quit - but they never smoked around me) i completely disagree with their choice to do so, but to each his own and it's none of my business. still, i can't understand how some people could be so inconsiderate towards others and smoke where there is a large traffic of people, like those two who were smoking while walking through a huge group of people trying to get to their classes. i always say, if you wanna kill yourself, go right ahead. that's your prerogative, but don't take me with you. i especially don't understand how people can smoke when children are present. i was in great america a long time ago and there was a father walking with his wife and child smoking a cigarette. it seriously blew my mind. i just couldn't understand what he was thinking. i also recall when i was 16 and i went to indonesia for the summer. it was my sister's birthday party and all the kids were by the pool playing with water balloons. the male adults were also gathered by the pool. smoking. well. i decided to throw my water balloons at them. it was hilarious to watch them yell and run inside the house. everyone else found it hilarious too. mission accomplished. so i guess what i'm trying to say is that i was wrong (yes, i just admitted that i was wrong. i told you boo, when i'm wrong, i'm wrong.) for saying that i can't stand smokers. the correct thing to say is i can't stand smokers who smoke around other non-smokers. there. i stand by that statement.
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| so much has happened since my last xanga blog. well, not this last one, but the one before that. i'm actually really bummed that i didn't write about my senior year or my first year in college. those are two big years of my life that i have no written account of. damn. now i'm about to start my second year at cal. go bears! who woulda thunk that i would end up at berkeley, the school i never even thought about going to, and my former dream school is now the school that i despise. haha just kidding stanfurd, you only suck during football season. =P but seriously, where did the time go? my sister's going into middle school. oh man. i remember middle school. i don't remember anything i learned in middle school, probably cuz for me, middle school was just a way for me to socialize. i didn't really try in middle school. nobody looks at middle school records anyway, right? and then there's high school. i hate drama, always try to stay out of it, but that really is impossible in high school. but yenno what, that's what made high school interesting. haha. all the damn drama. especially those freaking band kids. we should've all just joined drama class. looking back though, high school was good to me. the best friends i had in high school are still my best friends now. i had a great time in high school. a lot of great memories, especially senior year. not so much sophomore year. i kinda just try to forget about that. still, i loved high school....when i was in high school. i ask a lot of people if they miss high school, cuz i honestly don't. ok well, i guess do, but i don't wanna go back to high school. the only thing i'd wanna do again is march. seriously, the best part about all four years of high school was always marching season. but i absolutely would not want to go back to high school, if i had the chance. i guess i'm just not interested in moving backwards. i am completely happy with where i am today. i have no regrets. what i do wish, though, is to be able to stop time. or at least slow it down. i swear my first year at cal literally flew by me. thinking back on it now, it was just a blur and a lot of stress. haha. don't get me wrong, i'm looking forward to this year and my future, though it's quite intimidating. i just wish life wouldn't pass by me so quickly. but since there's nothing i can do about that, i guess i just gotta take it one day at a time. wish me luck =)
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